Excessive

You used to tell me all the time,
not to try things that weren't in the right direction.

You said I have an

"addictive" personality.

You used to tell me all the time,

to keep at the things that kept me focused.

You said,

said "addictive" personality can be used to my advantage.

You used to tell me all the time,

be-careful what I try for the first time.

You said "you don't know what you would like",

I have "addictive" personality.

You used to watch me obsess over trivial things,

completely devoted into all of it.

You noticed all the little things,

such like said "addictive" personality.

So I threw myself into things,

things meant to build me, and grow me.

And evidently I saw it,

this so called "addictive" personality.

So I made it selective,

set a bunch of rules for myself.

To control what is happening around me,

while I lost myself in the things I threw myself in.

And slowly all the good became pain,

the things that kept me focused became the things that made me rage.

Because I lost control of what was happening around me,

as I lost myself in the things I threw myself in.

and everything hurts.

Nothing feels the same.

Nothing tastes the same.

Nothing smells the same.

Because nothing is the same.

And that's okay.

If I didn't have said

"addictive"

personality.

So I work myself to death,

call it excessive.

drink myself to death,

call it excessive.

smoke myself to sleep,

call it excessive.

Because it's who I am,

whatever I do I'll do it well.

Whatever I do, it will

excess.

Never half foot in and half foot out.

It's either I dive in,

or just rough it out.

You used to tell me all the time,
not to try things that weren't in the right direction.

I did that,

it didn't work.

Now I'm stuck trying to figure out,

what exactly is the worth of doing everything right in a world where nothing works

out.

-Fez