Slow Poison

-
"What's wrong with you?"

A resounding echo in my
brain.
A question from the external,
as in,
not from my internals,
as in,
from a third-party,
as-in,
someone who isn't me.

"What's wrong with you?"

The thought vibrations go
again.
A question that's been scratched in,
as in,
a seed that has been planted,
as in,
I've been watering this garden,
as in,
the seed is a weed and it's destroying everything.

"What's wrong with you?"

I don't know how but I need to detach from this
question.
A question that is poison,
as in,
it's spreading further than the brain,
as in,
it's like suicide from the inside,
as in,
a bullet to the head would be better instead.

What is wrong with me?
Everything?
Nothing?
Some things?
I don't know,


I'm just trying to float....



I'm really just trying 
to
float.


-fez.

Comments

  1. JordsSeptember 6, 2021 at 8:29 AM

    Hmmm 🤔 relatable. Are the externals also internal too?

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Room in the Elephant

-
 There's an elephant in the room ,  but no room in the Elephant . An outline with no mass ,   a figment of the imagination.  A silhouette of anti-mass , feather light but heavy on the mind. Intangible and immaterial  but present in the prefrontal cortex. Hard to ignore because it's not there.     
Read more

I would've left me too...

-
When I look back at it all... I don't think I blame you. For walking out on me, Without a word, And then avoiding the topic, When I confronted you For walking out on me, Without a word, You made me a villain, And I guess it was true. When I look back at it all... I don't know what's worse. That you couldn't talk to me, or that it felt like it was easy for you to do what you did. Or that, I tried for months to talk to you, and maybe it was hard for you to do what you did. Leave me that is, My best and longest friend... When I look back at it all... I don't think we could recover. It's been almost a year now, Too much has passed, It's been almost a year now, I'm sure we're both different people. When I look back at it all... I don't know what I could've changed... I don't know what I did wrong, But a part of me feels like I should, I never got my closure, So this will substitute. I'm not saying you're the root of my demise, But damn...
Read more

2023.

-
 Dear diary, Would you like to know how long 22 minutes felt to me as I had south park playing in the background as I walked around the house looking for something to ease the pain. The pain of it all was that I knew I was looking for nothing. I was walking aimlessly looking for what was gone for what was missing. At the end of it all Our baby is gone again.  Gone you say? Yes- gone. What does gone mean? Well diary this is what I mean. but before I do, I am going to give context. I have been wanting a baby with Visa since the day we let life take the wheel and made love everyday and the one month I realized my contraception was back ordered late and the exciting was about to happen. But before we knew it… I felt a pop in my abdomen and the rest was history. Even though history kept repeating itself 7 times in 2.5 years. 6 chemical miscarriages 1 complete miscarriage I mean our precious little heartbeat stopped. The thin layer of epidermis tissu...
Read more