Entropy

-

I hate that I can't

explain myself.


I hate that I can't

say what's going on.


Or rather what happened,

and the resulting actions...


And my cowardice in the process,

and ruining peoples lives as I go along.


I hate that I still

to this day, hate myself.


I hate that I still

to this day, hate the situation.


And the choices I made,

to remedy at the time, what was my environment.


To place a bandage on a gun wound,

and dance my way around it.


And not really knowing what is the wound,

or what was the gun really.


And now understanding that my bandage made things worse,

not only the wound is septic, this thing... it's spreading.



I hate that there's no justification,

I hate that there's no good reason,

I hate that there's no, no good reason,

I hate that, I'm drowning in mistakes.



And these mistakes you guys I don't want to lie,

their ruining so much potential greatness...


These mistakes, are ruining so much potential happiness.


I feel like I died 2 years ago...



And the corpse is moving on without me.



Because I can't call what I've been doing "life"

I'm not living...



And I'm going to grow up with so many regrets,

Of how I wasted the last of my teens


Of how I wasted my early twenties,

And how I'm throwing away my late twenties.



But I don't know how to live again...

Breathe again...



I'm scared to be me again.



And every little thing gives me so much anxiety




I don't even leave the house no more...



Because every little thing gives me anxiety...



I don't even get high no more...



And sometimes I think,

It would be better if I was just dead,

I'd be doing the same thing from the grave



Nothing




Absolutely nothing



I hate that...

I hate hate...


I want more...


But I don't want it enough...


I'm stuck really...


I don't see any ways around it.



I hate that about this...



I just hate everything...



- Fez 

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