remember me

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         If I die tonight it is what it is
                    Remember me 

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03 April 2015

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To be honest I have always thought that when I got here you would be beside me but I messed up every chance of that happing ... And even after all these years I've always held the belief that some how , some way fate would let our paths cross once again and we would make up and rekindle what we had.  As luck would have it ,I'm here and you might as well be on the other end of the cosmos .While our story is playing itself out in an alternative timeline. I take full responsibility and blame for what went wrong with us , regardless of some transgressions on your part that I suspect. It is solely because of me that the final chapters of our romance have been written. I was insecure , I was childish , I was manipulative , I was selfish and you still stood by me .  I was distant , I was closed off , I did not show up for you how someone who loves someone should , even cheated on you twice .Still you forgave me and poured all your essence into us.  My behaviour only served to dr...
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Entropy

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I hate that I can't explain myself. I hate that I can't say what's going on. Or rather what happened, and the resulting actions... And my cowardice in the process, and ruining peoples lives as I go along. I hate that I still to this day, hate myself. I hate that I still to this day, hate the situation. And the choices I made, to remedy at the time, what was my environment. To place a bandage on a gun wound, and dance my way around it. And not really knowing what is the wound, or what was the gun really. And now understanding that my bandage made things worse, not only the wound is septic, this thing... it's spreading. I hate that there's no justification, I hate that there's no good reason, I hate that there's no, no good reason, I hate that, I'm drowning in mistakes. And these mistakes you guys I don't want to lie, their ruining so much potential greatness... These mistakes, are ruining so much potential happiness. I feel like I died 2 years ago... ...
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Never will...

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I guess this is it ye, I'm never gonna get the chance to do the things we used to speak about... I'm never gonna see you get married, I'm never gonna see you grow old, be a parent to your kids. I'm never gonna have the lazy Sunday's we planned, Or the group dates we imagined. I'm never gonna see your dreams come true, and never are you gonna see mine... I'm never gonna see your potential, and never are you gonna be in my life... and obviously I have nothing but myself to blame, the shame of my actions consequences if you will... And I should've known better,  but here we are, this whole shit is surreal. And I just want to say I'm sorry, thats if I never get the chance to tell you. Theres a hole in my life I just cant replace, and yal are missing... But I dont feel like I deserve that anymore, I dont think I deserve you anymore... So if youre wondering why I've been so quiet... this is why. I'm a coward, and I don't deserve your forgivenes...
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