Steps to Insanity: The Storm III

He asked me
"damn why and how do you do so much?"
Little did he know I asked myself the same damn thing not so long ago.

Except he still thinks,
I'm still doing a-lot.
When really things have changed and in comparison I am doing nothing at all.

See,
I never really had the time to question it.
He really isn't the first to ask.

See,
I never really had the time to think about it.
As he really isn't the first to ask.

But now that the pace is different,
the life is different,
my eyes be different.

There are some things I guess
I never noticed.
Some things you can never notice when you are doing "so much"

There are some things I guess
I should've noticed.
But I was doing too much.

And would I go back now?
To the too much life now that I know the truth?
I wouldn't even hesitate...

It was a shield...
I didn't even know it but I was
protecting myself...

From the real truth,
from my real life.

From the downsizing of the realities,
and from the real lies.

I was protecting myself,
in the form of overworking myself.

And everyone thought I'd work myself to death,
and honestly I'd rather die like that...

Than to go through this again...

Because I at-least felt a little life...
and now I feel nothing at all.

and my brain thinks its impossible,
as I'm also feeling it all.

Years of "I'll deal with it later"
Years of "When I'm older I'll handle"

hit me all at once,
but I was trying to keep myself busy still.

So I missed it...


I missed my own epiphanies...

everything now feels more like memories,
like I've felt like this before...
died like this before...
but I haven't and that's scaring me...

but I haven't so it's messing with me.


because I fell apart and I missed it...

I had to go through it once and build myself but I missed it...


and that's why I didn't hear the
snap.

and that's why I didn't feel the switch from
bending,
to broken.

-Fez
















[continuation of the Steps to Insanity series].