Dear God

Dear God...

I'm often told to never question your ways.

That you always know best...

And that you never give trials to people who cannot handle that weight.

A one-to-one relation of the soldier and the battle to face.

I'm often told never to challenge your ways.

And that everything happens for a reason, to blindly trust everyday.

And that no matter how hard it is, and how tough it may be, we must have faith.

A one-to-one relation of the soldier and the divine providence.

I'm often told those who go through the worst paths, get the greatest reward.

That you know our souls, our minds and our hearts.

And that what is meant for us, will be for us, in its own time, and its own place, 

and not in the way that we would expect.

But God...

If you know my soul, my mind and my heart,

you know that I'm tired...

If I am indeed a soldier, 

I am twice retired.

If there is a path you created for me,

I feel like I've been lost for a long time...

And these trials... 

These trials are exhausting...

And these battles...

I've never been once ready...

And the reasons...

Well I guess I'll never know why until the time comes...

I just don't understand...

How can everything be so close,

and so far,

And why are simple things

so complicated,

And why is everything harder than it should be

and why am I not strong enough to see it all through

And why is everything harder for me...

or am I just weak... the latter must be true.

I don't know

if I've angered you in my current life,

or any of my past ones.

I don't know

if I've betrayed you,

and if you have deserted me...

But I know that can't be true because I wouldn't be here right now,

and as much as things are bad, I'm not in the same place I used to be...

And I count my blessings, I'll never forget to be grateful.

I don't know

if I got the wrong file... if these battles are for someone else...

I just know my heart...

my heart is tired.

I'm often told to never question your ways.

That you always know best...

but it's alot right now...

I'm only human...

It is alot right now...

and it has been a lot for a long time...

I would just like to breathe...

Please show me how to breathe.

-Fez.