Sentients?

I hate that I can't explain myself. I hate that I can't say what's going on. Or rather what happened, and the resulting actions... And my cowardice in the process, and ruining peoples lives as I go along. I hate that I still to this day, hate myself. I hate that I still to this day, hate the situation. And the choices I made, to remedy at the time, what was my environment. To place a bandage on a gun wound, and dance my way around it. And not really knowing what is the wound, or what was the gun really. And now understanding that my bandage made things worse, not only the wound is septic, this thing... it's spreading. I hate that there's no justification, I hate that there's no good reason, I hate that there's no, no good reason, I hate that, I'm drowning in mistakes. And these mistakes you guys I don't want to lie, their ruining so much potential greatness... These mistakes, are ruining so much potential happiness. I feel like I died 2 years ago...

I've been home sick for some time... I couldn't figure it out. I've been trying to fill the hole in my heart, with Lord knows what... Just to feel that peace again. I've been home sick for quite a bit... I just didn't realize it. I've been trying to understand my distress, the pain in my chest... Just to reach my mental best. Man I've been home sick... But the home wasn't a house... It wasn't objects, or locations... It was people that were once close to me. That felt like home to me... I have no right to feel home sick... But I understood it today, I felt a bit of home today... And suddenly it made sense, what it was that was missing... I've been missing home. I just wanna come home. - Fez

 If you're seeing this the person you are looking for no longer resides here .  Although he has left a note . It reads : It is not your fault  Do not blame yourself  I am not angry anymore  I'm just numb and lonely    If you're seeing this the person you are looking for no longer resides here .  But if you are seeing this , the person who used to reside here is glad you can see this . He's happy you're in a better space now.

First Day  It's my fault , it must be ...  I must have hurt her , that's why she left It's my fault , it must be ...  Probably something I said  It's my fault , it must be ...  She'll call soon to explain and we'll hash it out First month It's my fault , it must be ...  She wouldn't go radio silent like this if I didn't fuck up big time It's my fault , it must be ...  That's why none of these calls are going through  It's my fault , it must be ...  Let's give her time she's probably going through it  First year  It's my fault , it must be ...  But it’s not me  It's my fault , it must be ...  Blocked on pintrest  It's my fault , it must be ...  I get it , I don't know why it took me so long  Don't know how long it's been but, It's my fault , it must be ...  Don't know how many times I've dialed this number  It's my fault , it must be ...  Should have caught the hint. It's NOT   my fault ,

Dear God... I'm often told to never question your ways. That you always know best... And that you never give trials to people who cannot handle that weight. A one-to-one relation of the soldier and the battle to face. I'm often told never to challenge your ways. And that everything happens for a reason, to blindly trust everyday. And that no matter how hard it is, and how tough it may be, we must have faith. A one-to-one relation of the soldier and the divine providence. I'm often told those who go through the worst paths, get the greatest reward. That you know our souls, our minds and our hearts. And that what is meant for us, will be for us, in its own time, and its own place,  and not in the way that we would expect. But God... If you know my soul, my mind and my heart, you know that I'm tired... If I am indeed a soldier,  I am twice retired. If there is a path you created for me, I feel like I've been lost for a long time... And these trials...  These trials are

When I look back at it all... I don't think I blame you. For walking out on me, Without a word, And then avoiding the topic, When I confronted you For walking out on me, Without a word, You made me a villain, And I guess it was true. When I look back at it all... I don't know what's worse. That you couldn't talk to me, or that it felt like it was easy for you to do what you did. Or that, I tried for months to talk to you, and maybe it was hard for you to do what you did. Leave me that is, My best and longest friend... When I look back at it all... I don't think we could recover. It's been almost a year now, Too much has passed, It's been almost a year now, I'm sure we're both different people. When I look back at it all... I don't know what I could've changed... I don't know what I did wrong, But a part of me feels like I should, I never got my closure, So this will substitute. I'm not saying you're the root of my demise, But damn

I guess I never thought about the consequences of my actions. Despite my state of mind at the time they were created. I guess I never thought it would be me with no back bone. Not enough self love to fight for me and the life I once had. I guess I never thought about the aftermath of it all. The people I dragged down with me, or lack thereof... I guess I never thought about anything because if I did. Maybe things would have turned out differently. And I wouldn't have so many "what if's" And I wouldn't have so many "used to be's" And I wouldn't have so many "could've beens" And I wouldn't have all this fucken rage This fucken diagnosis And this fucken pain... I wouldn't play so close to death, and I wouldn't let life still hold my name. I mean I'd still be fucked up, if the past has any consistency. But I would still be me... I don't even know who I am anymore. I guess I never thought... That was my first mistake